


Haunted Base

by Blueberryshortcake



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Gen, Rated S for SPOOOKY, not really - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-07
Updated: 2018-04-07
Packaged: 2019-04-19 14:44:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14239539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blueberryshortcake/pseuds/Blueberryshortcake
Summary: Caboose and Sarge are searching for something… and they find something ELSE instead.





	Haunted Base

**Author's Note:**

> This is a little…well you’ll see.

“I… see… DEAD people…”  
  
“Well of course ya do, son! We just killed ‘em!” Sarge laughed clapping Caboose on the shoulder as they moved towards the old base that the formerly living people were protecting.

“It’s empty,” Caboose poked his head in.

“Wellll, we better look around anyway. Simmons said that the alien whatza thingum was in this area.”

“ **GETOUT**!!”

“…you say somethin?” Sarge glanced at Caboose.

“… What?” Caboose blinked.

“Had my tunes on, I’ll just switch them off right–”

“ **LEAVEHERE**!!!!!! OR _DIEEE_!!”

“Now! That’s better, now what were you goin’ on about?”

“Leave here or order,” Caboose responded, making little sense. “I’ll have a milkshake and fries.”

“Now Caboose, we don’t have time for fast food, come on.”

They moved deeper into the base.

“OH MY GOD!!!” Caboose gasped when two figures stepped out in front of them. “EVIL TWINS!!”

“Huh,” Sarge said staring at the blond man and woman in front of them. “They… don’t look like twins.”

“We’re fraternal, asshole!” The woman stuck out her tongue.

“And I wouldn’t call myself evil,” The man put in.

The woman glanced up at him, “Are you implying I am?”

“… … … nooooo?”

“We’re both disquieting figures of ill-fortune, don’t act high and mighty.”

“I am taller though–oof!”

She shoved her taller twin into the wall and they disappeared.

“Well that was weird,” Sarge muttered.

On the base’s wall bloody red writing suddenly appeared.

“Red rum,” Sarge pronounced, “Well that sound perfect. This base sure knows how to treat a fella. Spiced rum with some cola sounds–”

“I TOLD YOU TO GET THE **FUCK** OUT YOU COCKBITES!!! GOD **DAMN** IT!!!”

“Does that disembodied voice seem… familiar?” Sarge pondered.

“CHURCH?!?!? IS THAT YOU CHURCH!!!???” Caboose yelled.

“Oh god _DAMN_ it,” A ghostly blue figure appeared. “I said. Fuck **OFF**.”   
  
“CHURCH! What are you doing here? YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE WITH THE ORANGE GUY… Did you want to spend time together?”

“If I had to spend time with Grif, I’d kill myself and become a ghost too!” Sarge chortled.

“I’m not Church, assholes. I’ve taken on the image of your darkest fears!”

Sarge and Caboose glanced at each other.

“Uh,” Sarge said slowly. “You’re not all that menacing I’m afraid.”

“Bu–What do you mean I’m not menacing? You hate blue people and that guy–well this is all he thinks about…there’s…nothing else in there really.”

“Church! Did you want to help us find the alien thingy??” Caboose bounced.

“Alien thingy? Is that what you’re after? Fuckit. If you’ll fucking LEAVE then yeah. Take it. Doesn’t do anything anyway.” The ghost(?) gestured to a cobwebbed corner where an artifact looking thing was lying on the ground.

“Well how about that! Your ghost buddy helped us out! Now we will surely be able to save all the orphans and make little Bessy’s wish come true–wut. Donut I don’t know about these lines…”

“Aw, but Sarge! This is the part where you and Caboose solve your differences.”

“Didn’t we already do that though? I mean it wasn’t like we were at odds,” Sarge tilted his head.

“Stop it.” Church grumbled as Caboose poked his hand through him.

“Also why is Church the ghost? Like again? He’s already a ghost in the last scene where he eats Grif!”

“I’m supposed to eat Grif?” Church asked.

Donut shook his head at him behind Sarge’s back. “Oh yeah… of course you are! Church is the ghost because it saves on our budget!”

“We have a budget?” Simmons asked.

“I just don’t know, what’s my motivation?” Sarge sighed.

_**“GET OUT!!!!!”** _

“Uh, Grif, you can stop with the spooky voice effects,” Simmons said. “We’re taking five I think?”

“Hm?” Grif asked stretching out and yawning, “I just had the best nap.”

“Wait…” Sarge said slowly. “If you were sleepin on the job…”  
  
“I really did like the part with the spooky twins… who hired them?” Donut asked.

Everyone looked at each other.

“AHHHHHHH!!!!!” They all ran out of the spooky base they were using for their location shoot.

“Why are you screaming, you’re a fucking ghost!” Grif pointed at Church.

“I don’t know! Maybe other ghosts eat ghosts I DON’T KNOW HOW THIS WORKS!”

“AHHHHH–oh we stopped,” Caboose noticed.

They all turned back to the spooky base but…

“It’s GONE!!” Donut gasp.

“No it isn’t, it’s just there,” Sarge said pointing slightly to the right.

“Aw, sorry, it was on my blind side. Yep. There it is. Creepy!”

“C-can we just go?” Simmons asked.

“Yes Simmons. Yes we can,” Sarge decided  
  
And they never spoke of it again.


End file.
